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Wednesday, April 7, 2010

INTERVIEW

Based on real incident happened in my life.

I did not remember how I reached there. I did not remember the sequence of things happened that morning. I felt like I suddenly spawned there in front of the gate. My mood was fresh and I was wearing white full hand shirt, black pant, and a new jockey. I knew it was my day. I knew it very well.

I walked towards the door. The glass door opened automatically when I walked towards it. The obstacles are moving away from me, I thought. I went straight to receptionist to inquire about my scheduled interview. As I was walking towards the receptionist, the chillness of air increased. She was sitting on the chair with her head down reading some novel.

'Excuse me,' I said in a low voice.

She lifted her head up to see me. I was stunned by her look. She was awesome. I have never seen such a beautiful girl before. It was very easy to guess that she was from Kerala from her appearance. My heart started flying in the sky. I didn't know the reason for that. I couldn't believe that such beauty would exist in this world. I couldn't speak.

'yes?' she asked me.

After an ordeal, I uttered,' I came here for an interview. I want to know the place.'
'Oh! Yeah. Your name?'

No one would believe if I say that I had forgotten my name. I couldn't recollect it for a moment. I stammered and asked, 'what?'

'Your name?' she asked again.

'Koushik. Koushik KR' I told.

She typed something and told me, 'go straight and take left,' pointing her lovely fingers towards east.

I did not want to go anywhere. I looked at her eyes. They were impressive. I tried to read her name from her badge: Urvashi." There was all chances for her to mistook me in many possible ways while I was reading her name. With a heavy heart, I moved from that place. My mind was fully occupied. I forgot about the interview. I just walked straight and turned left.

'Koushik?' a lady voice asked me.

'Yeah.' I replied as though I am released from a spell.

'Welcome Koushik. I am Menaka, HR,' the lady said and lent her hands.

She was also so beautiful. I couldn't believe my eyes again. How can these two most beautiful girls be in one company, they should be scattered, I thought. Her sent was mesmerizing, her face was lovely and grace, her eyes were radiant. She smiled. Her smile had the divine nature of wiping off all the sorrows in one's heart. I gave my hands. The touch was soft but firm. She asked me to sit and went inside a glass room.

My eyes followed her. I couldn't take my eyes out of her. She too knew it. She, at times, would look at me to ensure that my eyes were not diverted from her. She would smile every time. I found the meaning of love at first sight. I started loving her madly or I should say I became mad. All the love movies, dialogues, which appeared foolish till the day before, began to make sense. I felt no mass, time and energy. I smiled at myself. I started believing in God because no human can ever give birth to such a beauty. She must me a daughter of Venus or Venus herself, I thought.
I really don't know how long I had waited in the chair looking at her; only at her. She came out and went behind a wooden door. My vision couldn't go beyond that. I started looking at the way she walked. They too looked beautiful. My eyes looked inside the glass room. I know the man who was being interviewed. He was Karthikeyan, my friend and classmate. I was sure about that. He didn't tell me that he was attending the interview. I didn't tell him too.

Menaka opened the wooden door and came back. I felt my life was coming back again. It was an awesome feeling. She looked straight into my eyes. I couldn't dodge. She read all my thoughts. I know she really did. I tried to read from her thoughts from her eyes, but there were too deep. I could only fall into it. My heart was full of lust and I complexly forgot that I came there for an interview.

She came to me and asked, 'Koushik, are you ready?'

'yeah.'

'I wish I meet Rambha too. Two most beautiful girls' acquaintance in one day. I should really crack the interview. It is really a heaven,' I said to myself.
She guided me to the door and opened the door for me. Karthikeyan was about to leave. He looked back at me. He was not happy. He screwed his interview, I thought. I went through the other door in that room.

'Koushik, this is M.D Raj and Raj, this is Koushik,' Menaka gave an intro and left the room. I took the seat and it was warm. I wanted to concentrate on the interview but lust was playing its game. All my concentration are scattered and I was dumb.
'Tell me something about yourself,' said Raj.

'I… I… I am Koushik; currently working,' I thought for a moment. I got confused whether I should use "at" or "for". I continued with for and told him about my accomplishments, my nature, my behavior, and attitude. I would say that they weren't lies but little over-hyped things about me.

Raj had my resume on his laptop. He read it carefully like a doctor reading the medical report. His face didn't was plain devoid of expressions. I couldn't guess what impression had I made. He started his questions.

'Tell me about your working style.'

It was an unusual opening question to me. I have attended few interviews before but none had asked me like this. That is why Karthikeyan got screwed, I realized. My inner me forced me to give my best to get the job and the girl…s.

'I believe in smart working style than hard working. I take responsibilities and good at decision making. I can be a good team player,' I said some part of my "about me" again and some new things. I did not know whether I was answering his question. I simply talked.

'Good, what do you think about our company?'

I was not prepared for this question. I should know everything about a company before attending the interview, but I didn't collect proper information. I didn't know why I didn't do that. I forgot the name of the company in that tension. Figures of Menaka and Urvashi crossed my mind. I forgot myself again.

'This is a very great place to work. Awesome peers and cool work culture. I have never seen such a beautiful place before. It is lot of fun.'

'Is it?' Raj asked me.

I was back to my senses. I don't know what to say. 'yeah.'

He smiled. He asked me about the expectations, qualification, what I did in my work, etc.

I answered everything. He didn't ask much about data structures, algorithms, and languages. He asked about many general things. It was more like a HR interview. I answered everything. The question and answer session turned into a chatting session. We started talking about what I do after work, home town visits, my family, friends, other interests etc.

In the back of my mind, I was thinking how could the first round be HR. Usually it would be technical and last round will be HR. This was so weird. Either he should have completely satisfied with me and going to heir me or he has hired someone already and trying to chuck me out, I thought.

'No no no, in the later case he would ask about cloud computing, AI, distributed algorithms and put me in a tough position. He won't speak like this. He is going to heir me,' I said to myself.

The time flew. Menaka entered the room again. My face brightened like a lamp. They spoke about something which I did not want to overhear.

He told,' I am done and my friend Gupta will interview you shortly. Please wait here.'

Menaka was sitting with me. I wanted to start a conversation but her overwhelming beauty made me to sit and watch her.

'Koushik, how was your interview?' Menaka asked me.

I wan on cloud nine. I should not lose this opportunity, I thought.

'Yeah, it was fine. How is the life here?'

'Very good. This has the lowest attrition rate…' she spoke and I was seeing only the movements of her lips. I went deaf. My body was getting warmer and the hot blood reached my brain which was dormant. We chatted but it didn't seem long. Most of the time she was speaking and I was just seeing her. I am sure that I didn't get useful thing out of that conversation. I could realize that she was telling company policies, about people there, etc, but my brain couldn't process anything. I simply nodded.

The door opened and a tall guy entered. He must be Gupta, I thought.

'hello Koushik, I am sure you had a nice time.'

I blushed and continued listening to him, 'I am Gupta.'

I didn't know what he was referring to. About the interview or the chat with Menaka, I thought and nodded.

Menaka left the room again. This time I felt very sad. It was like my soul was going out of the room. I forcefully stopped looking at her while she was leaving and saw Gupta. He was looking at her. I couldn't control my anger. He was literally ogling at her. I didn't like that guy. I felt a strong possessiveness towards her.
Gupta opened his laptop and gave it to me. There was a SQL console already opened and logged in.

'Write a query to get the table with table name "kokrcsco2323122719861230IND".
That was an easy one. I typed the query in no time. The table name was little weird and tough to type. I didn't get the results immediately. The database should be very huge, I thought.

After few seconds, I got a messed up table in the console. I turned the laptop towards him.

'No need. Write a query to get the contents in the column name"faults" in that table.'

It was another easy query and again I got messed up result. Too bad, I thought.
Filter the result with a query to get the rows with column "year" value between 09 to 10.'

This was little long query but not a tough one. I got another messed up result.
'filter the result again with column "time" between 02 to 05 and date equals 7-4-10'.
This is really a tough query to write. I took time and complted it after five minutes. I didn't get a messed up result. It was clear. I could read it. I tried to read from the last.

"Conjuring Gupta with all possible ill words." I was shocked to read it. I read the line above: "Looking at Menaka with all possible wrong intentions." I quickly scrolled up and started reading from the beginning.

"1) Wrong intentional look at Urvashi.
2) Intentionally wrong look at Urvashi.
3) Leaving reception without thanking Urvashi.
4) Killing 6 ants on the way to door with boots.
5) Very wrong thoughts about Urvashi while walking.
6) Switching from Urvashi to Menaka without loyalty.
7) Nailing thoughts about Menaka.
"
I don't want to read further. My eyes moistened. I felt ashamed. My head hung automatically. Gupta was staring at me. I couldn't face him. Tear drops fell on my white shirt.

'We have terminated all you software professionals leaving very few exceptions. You guys are so sick but you think that you are the most intelligent, genuine, decent, professionals. So me and my boss decided to terminate all of you.'

'You didn't even heir me yet,' I demanded.

Gupta laughed and said, 'I am Chitra Gupta, database admin in hell. My boss Ema Dharma Raj is the Chief executive and chief commissioner of terminators. We terminated your life at 2 AM today and currently we are analyzing your fault count. Long integers can't hold it.'

'I am dead, oh! Bullshit,' I exclaimed.

Raj came into the room.

'He is all yours now, said Chitra Gupta and left the room.'

I couldn't believe that I was dead. It was like watching sixth sense movie. I was full of void when Ema explained me about my entire life cycle, my good behaviors, which was short and my bad behaviors, which went on like infinite loop. I was in no mood to listen to it as I was dead.

He asked got the laptop from me and run the query again. The row count increased by three.

'You shall go to hell, ' said Ema.

With a very sad mood and face I got up from my seat. Menaka was bringing another person in. I know this guy too, I thought. It was Kowshik Prakasam, my friend and classmate.

'They do it class wise,' I said to myself. I looked at Menaka, her lovely face before crossing the line, from which I wouldn't be visible to others and others wouldn't be able to see me. Seeing my dear crush's face I crossed the line. Ema ran the query again. The row count had increased by few hundreds.

Two guides took me to the campus tour of hell. While travelling in the hell with them, I told them, 'your data admin is so sick. The tables can be normalized further.' They started at me.

Last question I asked them was, 'Is she married?' I didn't get the answer for that but I wouldn't care for it. They laughed at me.

After telling about all the places, they told me, 'You couldn't have possibly lived a worse life than what you see here.'

I said, 'You are wrong.'

Both asked me in surprise an in unison, 'why all software engineers say the same thing?'

I laughed at them. It was a happy ending.

PS: This is based on my true incident because this incident happened in my real life dream, which is a part of real life incident.

7 comments:

Bharani said...

Awesome, man.. I was expecting an interview till "Chirta Gupta" came in. Not even Menaka, Urvashi or Rambha rung bells to me.. Superb one.. I guess this is your best so far.. Keep rocking.. I'm proud to be a Software Engineer, by the way!!

Koushik said...

Thanks dude...
Yes, proud to be software eng :-)

Arun said...

good one...

Vivek K said...

Nice one da machan..

Anonymous said...

super... 'they do it classwise' was nice... was roftl literally...

vinod.

Mundy said...

Good one da koushik... See i have spelled your real name.. u shud understand from that how much i liked this blog.

Koushik said...

Thanks Arun na, vivek, vinod and Mundy.

Thanks for visiting the page........